I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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