I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
