I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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