I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
