If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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