Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
