I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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