I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
