You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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