if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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