put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
