So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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