I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
