unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
