I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize