You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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