Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
