So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
