it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
