Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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