Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
