in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
