Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
