She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
