I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
