When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
