Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize