he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
