it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
