do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
