I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
