I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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