That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
