community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
