Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
