roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
