I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
