dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
