So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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