So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
