i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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