She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
