I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im six kinds of drunk right now
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
