I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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