u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
