it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
