hotel room ftw
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
