grandma shit on top of the toilet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
