when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
