Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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