I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize