Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
