is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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