K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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