Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
