i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
