Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
