I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
