so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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