dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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