Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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