Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
