Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
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I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Houston, we have a blender
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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