Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
