Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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