u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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