are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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