it hurts more in the daytime
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
