I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
