i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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