the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize