it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.