What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....