remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.