I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
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Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.