I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
