wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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